Have you ever had to sit in a place of uncertainty for an extended amount of time? When you’re in a holding pattern of not knowing what to do? Or you don’t want to feel what you’re feeling? Perhaps you’re waiting for the lesson of why an experience happened to you?
Being stuck in any of these places is painful. You feel confused, sad, angry, scared or nervous; an overall agitated state. You may question if all of your facilities: your intellect, rationale, or creativity, have failed you. And you try to figure things out by talking to your friends, sitting in meditation, or looking on social media for a wise quote that will explain it. Yet no matter what you do you cannot come up with the answer that gives you clarity or helps to justify what needs to be done.
This is a big theme in my life right now as I’ve been in an ambiguous place both personally and professionally for some time and neither are showing signs of relief in the near future. I’m far beyond my comfort zone and the fact that it’s occurring in both areas, at once, is intense. If one was doing better then perhaps I wouldn’t mind the other flailing so much.
I feel like I’m the nagging kid on a road trip (the journey) who keeps asking the driver (spirit), “Are we there yet? Will today be the day we reach the destination?”
In an effort to create certainty and to understand why I’m going through this, I’ve been trying to change how I feel by scolding and ridiculing myself with things like: You’re crazy. You’re being ridiculous. This is irrational. There’s something you’re overlooking. You’ve probably been foolish.
Yet the more I punish myself, the worse I feel.
As I sat down to come up with something to blog about the phrase “ego-mind” was nagging at me. After a little research I found the ever-wise words of Deepak Chopra from the 21-Day Desire and Destiny meditation who said, “The ego-mind craves certainty and control. The path of forced effort and struggle is painful because it is based on ego’s fears and insecurities. The ego believes that it has to do everything by itself.”
One thing we can do in uncertain times is know thy enemy! Why do we race toward reaching a state of comprehension? What’s the hurry? It’s really the ego-mind that is urging us to make sense of everything as if we’re solely in control. If this were true, then where is our belief in the universal order? Maybe we don’t understand but Divinity does.
The only certainty in uncertainty is that it’s okay to be there. It doesn’t mean you’re dumb or ignorant. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to figure things out. In fact, using a timetable as a gauge for when your emotions should be arriving and departing is sadistic.
Especially in moments of distress, we want to practice non-violence (ahimsa). Be kind to yourself and try not to judge or be at odds with your feelings. They are a part of your being.
I will admit, the more I’ve done this, the better I feel. I hope this helps all of you as well. Namaste…