As I was watching the Oprah/Lance Armstrong interview, aghast at what Lance finally revealed and his multiple acknowledgements of, “I’m a jerk” and especially in this clip where he describes himself as “a jerk and a humanitarian” I was overcome with a familiarity of, Holy cow, I’ve dated this guy!
Obviously, not literally, but I see similarities in him and several of my former boyfriends and bygone friends.
In general, I’m an optimist and whenever people voice their shortcomings of: “I’m lazy. I’m a liar. I’m always late. I’m an asshole,” I think this recognition is an indication that they’re working on it. After all, the first step for any addict is to get beyond their denial and admit they have a problem.
And at this state of confession, I believe them. I feel for these people as someone who is being vulnerable in putting forth the effort to be self-aware, and they are working toward changing to ultimately attain a level of a higher self.
But lo and behold months later they are just what they said they are – a lazy, lying asshole who’s perpetually late!
One of my yoga teachers talks about this as a state of “discriminative awareness” when the mind has a different story than what the actual reality is. In essence, it’s a form of ignorance.
I realize now that an admission does not necessarily imply action toward change. I think sometimes we can get caught up in the hope for what or who someone will be. Yet this leads to our suffering as we become disappointed by holding a subtle, false expectation.
The only thing we can do is neither develop attachment or aversion and let time reveal everyone’s true intent…