Attachment, Creating Awareness, Intention, Patience, Yoga Sutras

Does Self-Awareness Imply Change?

As I was watching the Oprah/Lance Armstrong interview, aghast at what Lance finally revealed and his multiple acknowledgements of, “I’m a jerk” and especially in this clip where he describes himself as “a jerk and a humanitarian” I was overcome with a familiarity of, Holy cow, I’ve dated this guy!

Obviously, not literally, but I see similarities in him and several of my former boyfriends and bygone friends. 

In general, I’m an optimist and whenever people voice their shortcomings of: “I’m lazy. I’m a liar. I’m always late. I’m an asshole,” I think this recognition is an indication that they’re working on it. After all, the first step for any addict is to get beyond their denial and admit they have a problem. 

And at this state of confession, I believe them. I feel for these people as someone who is being vulnerable in putting forth the effort to be self-aware, and they are working toward changing to ultimately attain a level of a higher self. 

But lo and behold months later they are just what they said they are – a lazy, lying asshole who’s perpetually late! 

One of my yoga teachers talks about this as a state of “discriminative awareness” when the mind has a different story than what the actual reality is. In essence, it’s a form of ignorance. 

I realize now that an admission does not necessarily imply action toward change. I think sometimes we can get caught up in the hope for what or who someone will be. Yet this leads to our suffering as we become disappointed by holding a subtle, false expectation. 

The only thing we can do is neither develop attachment or aversion and let time reveal everyone’s true intent…

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